C.H.O.I.C.E.S. for Managing Conflict

• Command:  Giving clear directions: specifically stating what you want the child to do in a non-humiliating manner: "Clean up your room before visiting your friend."

• Humor or Surprise:  Using non-sarcastic humor or doing the unexpected can defuse an explosive situation.  Channel kids who are bickering over a toy into a different activity: "Let's pretend we're robots and clean up the family room."

• Offer Choices:  Giving a choice between two options: "You can _____ or _____"  or  "When you _____, then you can _____."

• Ignore:  Choosing not to address the conflict or unacceptable behavior by withholding attention.

• Compromise:  Seeking a middle ground by finding a solution that partially satisfies both parties:  "If you _____, then I'll _____."

• Encourage Problem Solving: Working together to explore the disagreement, generate alternatives, and find a solution that satisfies the needs of both parties: "What can we do to meet everyone's needs?"

• Structure the Environment:  Rearranging people, room structure, or objects to reduce conflict: separate kids who are fighting in the car by moving them to different seats.

Taken from: Beekman, Susan & Jeanne Holmes. Battles, Hassles, Tantrums, & Tears: Coping with Conflict and Creating a Peaceful Home.  New York: Hearst Books, 1993.  Page 90.

Please don't hesitate to call me with any questions at 770-486-2734, ext. 305 or email me at conklin.joy@fcboe.org.